So, when I wrote the post on rest a few days ago, it was meant to encourage others that were not resting to take a much needed break. It was not supposed to be for me.
However, with four weeks of not being able to wear my scleral lenses, I am being forced to take a break from a few things. I have withdrawn from one online class and stopped pursuing two more. I am having to reach out for help to go to doctor appointments and support meetings. Plus, I have asked my spouse to read aloud to me for the book launch team that I joined.
Those are things that I have lost. What have I gained? Well, I am getting caught up on my Bible reading plans through YouVersion. It turns out that there’s a Listener’s Bible and that more than one of my devotionals have audio as well. I also discovered that listening to the Bible doesn’t take as long as me reading it. That’s probably because I am not reading cross-references and going down Biblical rabbit holes.
Another thing I have realized is that asking for help does get easier. I have had more than one period of sightlessness, since receiving my diagnosis of keratoconus. I have been forced to ask for help more than once over the years. Early on, it felt like I was a failure if I needed help. Now, I just do it. If I don’t ask for a ride somewhere, I have to stay at home. That’s worse than admitting that I can’t do everything!
Today, I experimented with vlogging. It’s much less stressful on my eyes to look at a camera than to hold my phone one inch from my face. I have wanted to do videos for a while, but I let my perfectionism talk me out of it. Now, even though I probably won’t do it perfectly, it will be easier to convey my thoughts that way.
I don’t know why I am experiencing this time out. But, I am not going to waste it by sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Today, I did some laundry and fixed my my morning coffee. I am not as helpless as my inner critic led me to believe I was four years ago.
As I said yesterday, your prayers are appreciated and welcome. Thank you!!!
Journey with Monica 