I am continuing the Lenten journey that I began yesterday. Using the book, Writing to God, written by Rachel C. Hackenberg, I am reading a selection from the Bible daily. Then, instead of praying aloud, I am writing my prayer down.
Praying aloud is just speaking to God out loud like you would anyone else. I don’t use language out of the King James Version of the Bible. Since I don’t use “thee”, “thou”, “thy”, or “thine” when I talk to other people, I don’t say it when I talk to God.
Although, I did attend a Southern Baptist church from fourth grade until sixth grade. So, when I quote from the Bible, if it’s verses that I memorized during this time, I will use the seventeenth century language then and for the Lord’s Prayer, which I learned as a young child. But, that’s a rabbit trail from my original point. In short, (I know, too late for that!) be yourself when you are talking with God. Since He’s the only one who knows you entirely, putting on act with Him is not necessary. God knows what’s going on in your heart anyways, might as well be honest about it.
The verses for today are the following:
”In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places. Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. With all prayer and petition pray [with specific requests] at all times [on every occasion and in every season] in the Spirit, and with this in view, stay alert with all perseverance and petition [interceding in prayer] for all God’s people.“
Ephesians 6:10-18 AMP
https://bible.com/bible/1588/eph.6.10-18.AMP
Dear God, thank You for providing me with a way to defend and protect myself against the crap that I have gone through in the past, the crap that I am experiencing right now, and the crap that will come my way in the future.
I am thankful for Your sacrifice of Your one and only Son for the crap that I have done, the crap that I am doing, and the crap that I will do in the future. My choice the word “crap” is apt, because the stuff that I have done/am doing/will do stinks and is as distasteful as any pile of manure. Yet, despite all of this, You set in motion this plan for Your Son to be the sin offering and the guilt offering for the entire world. You want the whole entire world to be able to have the easy relationship/friendship that You had with Adam and Eve, before they went through their crap. I just can’t fathom loving anyone so much that I would be willing to not only sit back and watch my child be punished/killed and take the blame for stuff he didn’t even do. In addition to that, You experienced a separation from Your Son when all the sin and guilt was placed on Him. He was no longer perfect, so He couldn’t remain with You until He defeated death by coming back to life. That probably felt like the longest three days ever. Although, the Bible says that one thousand of our years are like a day to You. So, three of our days was likely only a matter of hours to You. But, if it was anything like any of my kids taking the car out for the first time as a licensed driver, those hours felt longer than they really were. Only, You are God. You knew that the separation wouldn’t last and soon You would be reunited.
I am thankful too for Your gift of the Holy Spirit. You put a piece of Yourself in me. But, You didn’t force Yourself on me. When I realized that living life my way had left me with a life that smelled a lot like manure and was equally un pleasant, I screamed at You for help. Up to this point, I had heard about You from older family members, but I really didn’t know anything about You. To me, You were the one who allowed my parents to divorce and You were the one who kept them from remarrying. I didn’t really want anything to do with You. But, when I learned about hell, and that I needed to believe in order to stay out of it, I said that I believed. But, I was ten. No ten year old wants to spend any amount of time in a fiery pit. What did You expect me to say when I was asked if I wanted to go there or not? I chose not.
It wasn’t until many many years later that I encountered this third piece of Your Trinity. But, when I found out, I was amazed. Then, I had to see if You were really real. I started praying, but this time, I listened after I told You what I wanted. To my surprise, I heard a voice inside my head. It said some amazing things, like I was loved and that spending time with me was worth the pain and torture of being crucified. I was blown away, and started praying, reading the Bible, and eventually joining a Bible study class, which led to years of classes.
After less than ten years of Bible study classes, I experienced what is referred to in the verses above as the forces of wickedness ands the powers of the earth. Man alive, I had never experienced such ugliness and outright hatred. I was scared. But, then I talked with someone with more Holy Spirit experience than me (not too hard to find), who gently explained that evil does exist and that it hates God. I also learned that God had already beat the evil forces on the cross. In this conversation, I learned that I was given the power to repel any attacks that might come at me. I learned that this power was actually a part of God and it was the same voice that spoke with me after I prayed.
It’s been more than twenty years since that conversation, God. The attacks haven’t stopped. It seems like that they are more frequent and more painful. Each one seems to hit closer and closer to vital organs in an attempt to wipe me out. Thank You for showing me what the attacks really are – the desperate last ditch efforts by someone who knows that they are defeated, but who keeps pounding away at me.
God, I AM DONE. I am tired of being used as a tool/plaything for someone who opposes You. Coming to know You, building a relationship with You, and doing life with You is so much better than not. Without You, I feel hopeless, helpless, and useless – just exactly what someone who hates me wants me to feel. With You, I am more than a conqueror. I can move mountains with You. You have wonderful plans for my life, as long as I remain with You.
That’s a no-brainer. For years I believed the lies that I was a shy, retiring, timid, little bookworm, who was an ineffective graceless klutz, in addition to not being pretty. Why in the world would I want to be in the same room with, much less aligned with someone who would call me such ugly names? I did it because I looked at myself apart from You and saw all of my flaws. When I listened to You and heard Truth, I learned who I really am.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My outward appearance reflects the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that has developed as a result of living close to You. With the Holy Spirit, You put in me, I am not afraid to speak on Your behalf.
You placed me in a family where I had a grandmother who told me about You. Even when she couldn’t remember what my name was when she saw me, she would pray for me. When I was with her, especially as she aged, I could feel Your presence.
I have seen too much and have come too far. I will not be shaken by the current unpleasantness in my life. I know that by agreeing to follow You, I am surrendering a carefree life. But, I don’t care. Life is not carefree. You tell me that I am guaranteed to have trouble in this world, but in the next breath, You tell me to take heart, because You have overcome the world. You have indeed overcome the world. When I am finally reunited with You, my carefree life will begin. Until then, I will keep fighting the lies and darkness with Your truth and light.
I love You so incredibly much. I know that You love me even more. Thank You for the strength and determination You give me. I will talk to You later. Amen.
Journey with Monica 