Today, at my recovery meeting, I picked up two one year tokens. I missed last week’s meeting. I should have picked up one last week and another this week. But, I wasn’t feeling well enough to go last week. What I did to earn these tokens is between God and myself. I also could not have earned them without Him.
A little over a year ago, I knew that I needed to change something I was doing. I didn’t want to. It didn’t feel right to me. I was one hundred percent justified in my behavior. Anyone else would say so, too. Anyone, that is, but God. God’s radical love did not line up with my actions. He made it clear that He still loved me and I wasn’t being punished. God just thought that I could do better. It was like every single elementary school report card that I had to take home to be signed by my parents. At least once, and sometimes more than once per year there would be these words in the comment section of my report card, “Monica is not living up to her potential. She needs to apply herself. Also, she needs to control her talking during class.” God let me know that I wasn’t living up to my potential and I would need to apply myself and change my behavior. It felt unnatural, but I did it.
After about a week of this behavior change, God told me I needed another change. Since I had stopped doing something bad, I had to replace that bad behavior with a good one. I didn’t feel any more qualified to do this good thing than I desired to stop the bad. I also knew that me living the way I wanted had landed me in recovery. I knew that the only way to break the insanity was to change.
I agreed to go along with God’s plan. One day at a time. Sometimes it was one minute at a time. It has not been an easy year. However, I feel better and I act better. I could not have pulled this off without the presence of God in my life. He took the ashes I offered to Him and He gave me beauty in return. For this I am thankful. With God I am able to finally live up to my potential.
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”
Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/isa.61.1-3.NIV
Journey with Monica 