“Then Job replied: ‘Indeed, I know that this is true. But how can mere mortals prove their innocence before God? Though they wished to dispute with him, they could not answer him one time out of a thousand. His wisdom is profound, his power is vast. Who has resisted him and come out unscathed? He moves mountains without their knowing it and overturns them in his anger. He shakes the earth from its place and makes its pillars tremble. He speaks to the sun and it does not shine; he seals off the light of the stars. He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea. He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion, the Pleiades and the constellations of the south. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. When he passes me, I cannot see him; when he goes by, I cannot perceive him. If he snatches away, who can stop him? Who can say to him, ‘What are you doing?’ “
Job 9:1-12 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/job.9.1-12.NIV
Dear God,
Why are You so quiet? Is it because I am talking too much? I pray and pray to You, but I hear no answer. Why are You silent? What did I do wrong? Have I offended You? Please tell me what I did. I want to correct it, if at all possible. I know that I have hurt other people. Is this why I am hurting? To develop empathy in me? To help me be more compassionate? Please tell me what lesson I need to learn. This teaching is so painful. I cry out to You in my agony. Please make it stop. I want to know what it feels like to be content and joyful again. It feels like I have been hurting forever. I am like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Day. I have changed, but I still have to deal with the consequences of my actions prior to changing. Also, what am I supposed to do with all of these new emotions that I feel? Anger was easy. All I needed was to vent and rage and I would feel better. Now, I am crying all the time. I don’t feel better after crying. When I am done crying, I am still sad and I can’t fix or do anything to make myself happy. Only You can do that. I don’t want to feel sad. I want to shout for joy and tell the whole world how You made things better. Only, things are not better. I can almost hear You saying to me, “Am I only God when good things happen? Don’t I cause the rain to fall on the wicked as well as the good?” I know You love everyone exactly the same – unconditionally. But I am struggling to feel Your love. I intellectually know that You do, with my head. But, my heart is screaming for some attention. I want to feel Your love instead of pain. Tell me what I need to do to get right with You. I promise I will do it. Please give me some direction or some clue as to what to do. I am tired of stumbling in the dark and banging my shins on the furniture. I want to feel whole and happy instead of sad and broken. Please help. Thank You for listening to me.
Journey with Monica 