“When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, ‘We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.’ In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. He thought, ‘If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape.’ Then Jacob prayed, ‘O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, “Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,” I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, “I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.”‘“
Genesis 32:6-12 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/gen.32.6-12.NIV
God of the patriarchs, I need You. I need You to be with me and give me direction for the next phase of life. The kids are all adults. I am no longer needed on a daily basis by them. For so long, my life has been dictated by their needs and desires. But, that’s changed. Now, I am heading out into unfamiliar territory and I don’t know what to expect. It feels so different to not have anyone depending on me. Am I going to be a person who depends on other people? I know that I am absolutely dependent on You for everything – from the first breath I take in the morning to the last breath I take before going to sleep – I am completely dependent on You, God. But, it’s difficult to reach out to other people for help. I don’t want to be a burden or drag upon other people’s lives. I want their eyes to light up when they see me, not shake their heads wonder how much time and energy I will siphon off them. Lord, in my neediness, help me to be able to give back as much, if not more, than I take. Help me to see the needs around me, and allow me to step in and serve where I am best suited. I know that with Your help I can do anything. But, I don’t want to do just anything. I want to go to the place that You have planned for me, which is smack dab in the middle of Your will. Lord, after experiencing You, I don’t want a consolation prize or a runner-up ribbon. I want Your best plan for me. It feels so greedy to say that. But, it’s like the difference between eating a Starburst fruit chew and a piece of fruit. After having tried a piece of real fruit, the fake fruit is no longer as satisfying. The Starburst tastes okay and can fill me up, however too many pieces will make me sick. God, I desire real – a relationship with You. I don’t want fake – going through the motions and making it appear that I have a relationship with You. I choose You, now and always. Amen.
Journey with Monica 