Author: monicainga

“When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, ‘We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him.’ In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well. He thought, ‘If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape.’ Then Jacob prayed, ‘O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, Lord, you who said to me, “Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,” I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two camps. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, “I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.”‘“
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭32‬:‭6‬-‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/gen.32.6-12.NIV

God of the patriarchs, I need You. I need You to be with me and give me direction for the next phase of life. The kids are all adults. I am no longer needed on a daily basis by them. For so long, my life has been dictated by their needs and desires. But, that’s changed. Now, I am heading out into unfamiliar territory and I don’t know what to expect. It feels so different to not have anyone depending on me. Am I going to be a person who depends on other people? I know that I am absolutely dependent on You for everything – from the first breath I take in the morning to the last breath I take before going to sleep – I am completely dependent on You, God. But, it’s difficult to reach out to other people for help. I don’t want to be a burden or drag upon other people’s lives. I want their eyes to light up when they see me, not shake their heads wonder how much time and energy I will siphon off them. Lord, in my neediness, help me to be able to give back as much, if not more, than I take. Help me to see the needs around me, and allow me to step in and serve where I am best suited. I know that with Your help I can do anything. But, I don’t want to do just anything. I want to go to the place that You have planned for me, which is smack dab in the middle of Your will. Lord, after experiencing You, I don’t want a consolation prize or a runner-up ribbon. I want Your best plan for me. It feels so greedy to say that. But, it’s like the difference between eating a Starburst fruit chew and a piece of fruit. After having tried a piece of real fruit, the fake fruit is no longer as satisfying. The Starburst tastes okay and can fill me up, however too many pieces will make me sick. God, I desire real – a relationship with You. I don’t want fake – going through the motions and making it appear that I have a relationship with You. I choose You, now and always. Amen.

“Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, Lord, preserve both people and animals. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭36‬:‭5‬-‭9‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.36.5-9.NIV

https://youtu.be/QEF7IoQ3eUk?si=dQR1uqwQejeIDpKW

God,

Where can I go that You are not already there ahead of me? Whether I go to the beach and listen to the waves as they come to the shore, or I go to the mountains and marvel at the sunrises and sunsets, You are already in Your place ruling over all creation. I am so thankful that it is impossible for me to leave Your sight. Even when, or maybe, especially when I don’t seem to need You, You’re right there waiting for me to find You. You were Visa before there was Visa – You truly are everywhere I want to be. Lord, I don’t know where my life is going or what it will look like from day to day. I do know that You are with me. You are behind me. You are also in front of me and surround me on all sides. There’s nowhere I can go to get away from You. This makes me very thankful. I pray that I will remember to seek after You first, before I begin any travels. Whatever road I find myself on, I want You to be with me. You are my source of strength. You give me the ability to seek after You. You allow Yourself to be found by me. When I find You, I don’t face disapproval. There’s only love for me. You have compassion on me even if I have wandered away from You. You always welcome me back with open arms. I am very grateful. I need Your unconditional love and Your strength and Your wisdom. You, alone, know the way I should go. You are the only one that I can trust to guide me. Thank You for Your love and guidance. ❤️

“King Nebuchadnezzar, To the nations and peoples of every language, who live in all the earth: May you prosper greatly! It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me. How great are his signs, how mighty his wonders! His kingdom is an eternal kingdom; his dominion endures from generation to generation. I, Nebuchadnezzar, was at home in my palace, contented and prosperous. I had a dream that made me afraid. As I was lying in bed, the images and visions that passed through my mind terrified me. So I commanded that all the wise men of Babylon be brought before me to interpret the dream for me. When the magicians, enchanters, astrologers and diviners came, I told them the dream, but they could not interpret it for me. Finally, Daniel came into my presence and I told him the dream. (He is called Belteshazzar, after the name of my god, and the spirit of the holy gods is in him.)”
‭‭Daniel‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/dan.4.1-8.NIV

God –

Thank You for the dreams that You have given me. Honestly, they seem too far-fetched and unrealistic for me to achieve. They are definitely impossible for me to accomplish in my own power. I know that if You send me a dream, it will happen. You did it with Joseph. His brothers nearly killed him because of his dreams. But, Joseph remained loyal in You and You were faithful to him. You did make his dreams come true. But, first, before his dreams were realized, Joseph went through some tough times. During those difficult years, Joseph didn’t lose faith in You. He kept You at the center of his heart. Lord, please guide me along the rocky roads that lead towards the fulfillment of my dreams. Please put into place guides to direct me along Your paths. You have placed this dream in my heart, and I know that You will see it through until the end. Thank You for Your faithfulness and love. I desire my life to reflect Your love and goodness. If it doesn’t, correct me, Father and show me Your next right step. The dreams are so good, please show me if I am putting any obstacles in my way on the journey to achieving those dreams. I love You.

“ ‘This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭9‬-‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.6.9-13.NIV

Dear God,

Thank You for providing daily bread. Help me not to worry about tomorrow and focus only on the present. The Israelites were punished with moldy maggoty manna when they gathered more than they needed for the day. Help me to take each day as it comes – not punishing myself for yesterday and not worrying about what will happen in the future. If I do either of these, I will miss the blessings of today that are found on the paths where You guide me. Today, You have provided me with food, water, and shelter. I have a car that I can drive that even has gas in it. I feel richly blessed. Thank You for Your love and provision. Today, I choose to serve You and place You above all else in my life. You alone know the plans for my life and the direction I should go. If You lead me, I will follow You. Thank You for the blessings of today. Amen

“Then Job replied: ‘Indeed, I know that this is true. But how can mere mortals prove their innocence before God? Though they wished to dispute with him, they could not answer him one time out of a thousand. His wisdom is profound, his power is vast. Who has resisted him and come out unscathed? He moves mountains without their knowing it and overturns them in his anger. He shakes the earth from its place and makes its pillars tremble. He speaks to the sun and it does not shine; he seals off the light of the stars. He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea. He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion, the Pleiades and the constellations of the south. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. When he passes me, I cannot see him; when he goes by, I cannot perceive him. If he snatches away, who can stop him? Who can say to him, ‘What are you doing?’ “
‭‭Job‬ ‭9‬:‭1‬-‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/job.9.1-12.NIV

Dear God,

Why are You so quiet? Is it because I am talking too much? I pray and pray to You, but I hear no answer. Why are You silent? What did I do wrong? Have I offended You? Please tell me what I did. I want to correct it, if at all possible. I know that I have hurt other people. Is this why I am hurting? To develop empathy in me? To help me be more compassionate? Please tell me what lesson I need to learn. This teaching is so painful. I cry out to You in my agony. Please make it stop. I want to know what it feels like to be content and joyful again. It feels like I have been hurting forever. I am like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas Day. I have changed, but I still have to deal with the consequences of my actions prior to changing. Also, what am I supposed to do with all of these new emotions that I feel? Anger was easy. All I needed was to vent and rage and I would feel better. Now, I am crying all the time. I don’t feel better after crying. When I am done crying, I am still sad and I can’t fix or do anything to make myself happy. Only You can do that. I don’t want to feel sad. I want to shout for joy and tell the whole world how You made things better. Only, things are not better. I can almost hear You saying to me, “Am I only God when good things happen? Don’t I cause the rain to fall on the wicked as well as the good?” I know You love everyone exactly the same – unconditionally. But I am struggling to feel Your love. I intellectually know that You do, with my head. But, my heart is screaming for some attention. I want to feel Your love instead of pain. Tell me what I need to do to get right with You. I promise I will do it. Please give me some direction or some clue as to what to do. I am tired of stumbling in the dark and banging my shins on the furniture. I want to feel whole and happy instead of sad and broken. Please help. Thank You for listening to me.

“ ‘I love You [fervently and devotedly], O Lord, my strength.’ The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and the One who rescues me; My God, my rock and strength in whom I trust and take refuge; My shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower—my stronghold.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭18‬:‭1‬-‭2‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/psa.18.1-2.AMP

Lord, thank You for the wonder of creation. I especially love water. I love the sound of waves crashing at the beach, the trickling of a creek, and the sound of a river rushing over rocks. Even a sound machine with replicated ocean noises is amazing. The water sounds are so soothing. I am instantly at peace when I sit and listen. I am so distract-able, though, I don’t sit still for long. I have to go and get in the water and be a part of it.

Water plays a large role in one of the Christian sacraments, or sacred moments – baptism. When people are baptized, they are united with the catholic, or worldwide, church. Water is administered by pouring, sprinkling, or being immersed in water. Lord, when You wanted people to join with You and Your mission, You sent them to water. Even in the Old Testament, You wanted people to cleanse themselves before they entered the temple. Water must be important to You, too.

Thank You for the water I drink to stay alive. Thank You for the baptismal water that was used to mark my relationship with You. But, most of all, I thank You for the water that I see in nature. It truly refreshes my soul. Amen

“The boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli. In those days the word of the Lord was rare; there were not many visions. One night Eli, whose eyes were becoming so weak that he could barely see, was lying down in his usual place. The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the house of the Lord, where the ark of God was. Then the Lord called Samuel. Samuel answered, ‘Here I am.’ And he ran to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ But Eli said, ‘I did not call; go back and lie down.’ So he went and lay down. Again the Lord called, ‘Samuel!’ And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ ‘My son,’ Eli said, ‘I did not call; go back and lie down.’ Now Samuel did not yet know the Lord: The word of the Lord had not yet been revealed to him. A third time the Lord called, ‘Samuel!’ And Samuel got up and went to Eli and said, ‘Here I am; you called me.’ Then Eli realized that the Lord was calling the boy. So Eli told Samuel, ‘Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, “Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening.” ‘ So Samuel went and lay down in his place. The Lord came and stood there, calling as at the other times, ‘Samuel! Samuel!’ Then Samuel said, ‘Speak, for your servant is listening.’“
‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭10‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/1sa.3.1-10.NIV

Dear God, please speak to me like You did Samuel. Call my name in the middle of the night. Lord, there’s so much stuff going on that I don’t know which way to turn or what to do next. I am so confused. Please guide me on the right path. Your word is a lamp that lights the next step. Please show me Your way for me. I don’t want to go the wrong way. I am scared of the changes that will come. I will be obedient to You and submit to Your will. I know that You want what is best for me. I also know that Your best is better than anything that I can imagine. Lord, whatever Your plan is for me, I pray that I will be obedient to Your will. When the pathway is no longer paved and it starts going off into the woods, protect me, please from the wild animals that seek to do me harm. I will trust You. Amen

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬:‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.34.8.NIV

Dear God, Thank You for the five senses that You have given me to explore and experience Your creation!

With the sense of smell I encounter amazing scents that run the gamut from roses to skunks. The scent of bacon and of coffee tell me that another day has started. The scent of my grandmother’s perfume brings back memories of spending time with her during the summer and sitting at her vanity while I pretended to put on makeup. Thank You for the gift of the sense of smell.

The sense of touch is so wonderful. Petting a dog or cat causes my blood pressure to drop while I enjoy the way fur feels against my hand – short and wiry or long and silky – it really makes no difference to me. By using my sense of touch to pet the dog or cat, I can convey my love and show the pets that they are important. My favorite use of touch is holding a loved one’s hand or kissing my sweetheart. Thank You for the opportunities to show people and animals that they are loved by employing the sense of touch.

Thank You for the sense of hearing. When I hear certain songs, I am immediately transported in my mind to the roller skating rink where I am both hoping for and terrified by the thought of being asked to couples skate. I am thankful for being able to hear my children’s voices. From their first cries until now, those four sounds are like an angelic choir. I praise You for this gift of hearing.

I am also thankful for the last two of the five senses. But, I have a more complicated relationship with them. I am thankful for the sense of taste that You have given me. I love the flavors of the world that have tickled my tastebuds. Sometimes, I wish that I didn’t enjoy quite as much food as I do. It’s difficult to restrict my eating when everything tastes so good. I am thankful for the sense of sight. Looking at my family in person and in pictures brings a smile to my face. My hobbies of reading and writing are a source of pleasure. It would be nice if my vision didn’t have to have the level of correction that is required for me to move freely in the world. But, I am thankful that it’s possible to correct my legally blind eyesight to 20/25.

All of the senses are a gift and a blessing. Thank You, Lord. Amen

“‘Abba, Father,’ he said, ‘everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.’ “
‭‭Mark‬ ‭14‬:‭36‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/mrk.14.36.NIV

Why is this happening?

What did I do to cause this?

When will I celebrate?

Which way do I go?

All of these questions and more are burning inside of my head. God, I will surrender to Your will. If it’s possible, please let me have my way. But, I know that Your plans, even if they are painful, are what is best for me. Living surrendered to You and hurting is better than even the best of days without You.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.23.1-6.NIV

Shepherd, this sheep is crying. I feel like I am lacking in everything. This dark valley stinks. I don’t want to be here. Lead me to the place with the still water and green pasture. I will have enough to eat, drink, and rest when I finally arrive. I am frightened by the noises in the darkness. I need You to protect me with Your rod and guide me to safety with Your staff. Why do You serve me a banquet in front of my enemies? I would rather have a pauper’s meal with friends. Why do You anoint me with oil? I am not a leader. Remember? I am in the dark valley. I can’t find my way out, much less lead someone else through it. My cup is drained – not overflowing. When will it overflow? I know that I am just a sheep. I don’t know how to go where You are leading me, on my own. I need You to guide me. With You, the valley is not so scary. Please be my Shepherd always. I can’t find my way out of the valley without You. Thank You for loving me enough to want to lead me to the green pasture and calm water. I wish that another way existed to get there, besides going through this valley of darkness. Maybe, the rest of this journey won’t be so bad with You to guide me.