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Two days after beginning physical therapy, I had another beginning.  This time my new beginning was attending Bible study, after not going for seven years.  I don’t know why I had stopped going to Bible study.  It was not a conscious decision.  I had just drifted into not going.  When I saw that my favorite teacher was starting a new class, I felt compelled to attend.Walking into class after a seven-year absence was not an easy thing to do.  I felt uncomfortable as I approached the doorway of the classroom.  This feeling lasted for fifteen seconds, or so, until I saw my teacher.  As soon as I saw her, my teacher told me how thrilled she was that I was back in her class and gave me a warm hug.  My worries and insecurities were put to rest for the length of the class.I found the insecurities and worries again, as I climbed the steps into my house.  I started wondering why was I going to class.  Then, when I confirmed my reason for going, another worry popped up.  This one told me that even though there were people who I knew in the class, they weren’t real friends, they were just people who had known me for a long time.  On and on the negative tapes were played over and over in my head.  As I silenced the fears one by one, it occurred to me that these were the same negative tapes that I had been listening to all of my life.  I have grown weary of them.  It is time for a change.  It is time for another beginning.

“If you want to be my disciple, follow me and you will go where I am going.  And if you truly follow me as my disciple, the Father will shower his favor upon your life.”                   John 12:26 CEB

How often have I wanted good things to come to me without having to put in the work necessary to achieve that goal?  It has happened many times.  The earliest that I recollect is school.  Getting an “A” on my report card was nice, but I would not study to get one.  If I could make a “B” or a “C” in class by putting forth the minimum effort of doing homework and paying attention in class, I would settle for the lower grade, rather than putting forth the extra effort needed to get an “A”.

As an adult, there has not been much change.  Rather than watching what I ate and being sure to exercise, I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.  After all, I was an adult.  I had no authority figure monitoring my food intake to make sure that I ate leafy green vegetables every day.  As a result of doing as I pleased, I gained over one hundred pounds in twenty years.  Periodically, I would decide that I wanted to look better and fit in a smaller clothing size.  I would join a weight loss program and steadily lose weight, until I got tired of following the rules of the program.  (I wanted the reward of weight loss without having to work at it.)  I would stop going to meetings.  I would gain back the weight I lost, plus a few more pounds, for good measure.  This was a consistent pattern to my life, until a friend of mine died suddenly of a heart attack.

My friend was heavier than me by only a few pounds.  I had ignored the comments from doctors that said I was in danger of dying.  Despite being overweight, I felt that I was too young and vibrant to die.  After my friend died at a young age, I could not ignore the doctors any longer.  I knew that I must do something about the extra weight that I was carrying.

My weight loss journey began with joining a gym.  I reasoned that I  was not successful any of the past times that I tried to lose weight, because I did not exercise.  I started exercising, but resisted following an eating plan.  I did not want to feel too constrained.  I lost several pounds and then the weight loss stagnated.

At the same time my weight loss slowed down, my faith life had also slowed down.  I was going to church.  I prayed daily.  I participated in a small group Bible study.  I was doing all of the right things, but felt none of the joy that I was told that I should feel.  I did not feel like that I had the abundant life that the Bible promised.

One day, two of the devotionals that I read, had as a Scripture reference John 12:26.  As I read that passage, it occurred to me that I was treating my faith life like I had so many other things.  I was doing what came easy to me and what felt natural.  But, I was not doing what God asked me to do.  In fact, I had told Him, “No” and rejected His plan more than once, because it seemed too hard for me.  I wanted the payoff of Christian living without following Christ all of the way.

I also applied this verse to the other part of my life that had stagnated, my weight.  I started exercising, again.  My return to exercise resulted in an injury.  The injury led me to start physical therapy.  Physical therapy caused me to feel very uncomfortable.  The physical therapist mentioned that regular exercise would help my injury to heal faster.  I expected that.

What I did not expect was to have the therapist talk about the importance of diet and that even a small amount of weight loss would have a dramatic and positive effect on my injury.  I started to do some things that did not feel natural to me.  I wrote down everything that I ate.  I weighed and measured all of the food I put on my plate.

In my spiritual life, I have started doing some things that are taking me out of my comfort zone.  But, I am doing them out of obedience to God.  I am learning that when I move the direction that God want me, I receive a reward or blessing.

I am not at the weight that I need to be, any more than I am at the point where I feel like I am experiencing the abundant life.  In both of the areas that I am working on, there is work to be done.  I know if I don’t quit and I continue to follow God, what I want will become less important and what He wants will be more important.  Then, I will be experiencing the abundant life, hopefully a few pounds lighter!