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I have spent a day apart with a couple of canines. It’s been restful, but I am still seeking answers to the questions of the past month. I don’t know exactly what is on the horizon for me. But, I know for certain that God is with me.

”I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint. Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.“
‭‭Habakkuk‬ ‭2‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/hab.2.2-3.NIV

Dear Father God, as You raised up prophets in the past, please do so, again. Lord, the world needs someone like Jonah. Yes, he ran rather than obey you, at first. But, then, he went to Nineveh and told the enemies of Israel to repent. Who will call us to reform our ways? The nation is in such a mess. It’s been almost four years since Covid-19 arrived in the US. In those four years, schools went online and jobs went remote, if you weren’t an essential worker. If you were, work hours became longer and fewer people came in to work. For four years, restaurants and grocery stores have battled supply chain issues, rising costs of doing business, and staff shortages. Politics are more about dividing the country, rather than unifying us to work together to improve it. Lord, please tell us that relief is in sight. Please send someone who will call us to work together. In order for things to improve, we need to come together and work to make things better. Let us become a healed and no longer hurting nation. God we’re living at a point in time when the two presidential candidates are both octogenarians. God, please send us a younger leader who will speak out against “the way things have always been.” Doing things the way they have always been done is part of the reason that we’re in the mess that we are in right now. May the leader You want for the US heal our country from the fear that has such a hold on it. Set us free so that we can build this nation back up again. Hold us in Your hands until the tide begins. Send us freedom, so that we may have the freedom to do things differently, and hopefully, build a better future for all of us. Let us serve You joyfully and gladly. Let us point out to others the areas where we fall short of Your will for us. Maybe, the US, like Nineveh will repent and embrace Your heart. Amen.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.”
‭‭John‬ ‭1‬:‭1‬-‭5‬, ‭14‬a ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/jhn.1.1-14.NIV

Dear God, Thank you for the Word becoming flesh. It’s not just a “get out of hell pass”. God became flesh, lived and walked among people, and experienced human emotions. It still amazes me, Father, that you loved the people of the world so much that You would send Your one and only Son to be an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Just think of it! A Creator loved His creation so much, that rather than let us suffer for eternity, You allowed Your Son to suffer a little while. Although, it feels like to me that God having to come to Earth is a punishment for God. You don’t see it that way. You see it as You giving Your loved ones a gift. Humanity definitely got the better end of that deal. Now, we are able to remain with You, even after we die. You guide us through our troubles. You can empathize with us, because You were one of us. Lord, please be real to me, like You were real to Your disciples. You talked with them, ate with them, cried with them, laughed with them, and healed them. Lord, please heal me, too. Tomorrow is my eye doctor appointment. I am so ready for this eye to be healthy enough where I can wear my lenses again. I am tired of not being able to be independent. I have enjoyed spending extra time with You because I haven’t been able to drive myself anywhere. I feel like I have been a burden to others, even though they said that they were glad to help. You have helped me sketch out some next steps, and now, I am chomping at the bit to execute the steps. I know that I may have planned everything all wrong. but I know that You will correct me as gently as possible if I did. Please, help me to walk alongside of You, now, as Your disciples did when You were here. Life is so much better when I follow You than when I go with my own instincts. Thank You for holding me upright and caring for me. I love You. Amen.

Once again today’s Bible passage reminds me of a song. I remember the first time I heard this song. I was around four or five years old. I was watching the episode of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood that was aired between two episodes of Sesame Street. During the Neighborhood of Make-Believe sequence, King Friday and Queen Sara are listening to a band play while an artist draws a picture inspired by the song. The artist drew a picture of a baby while she listened to the band play Turn, Turn, Turn.

https://youtu.be/W3xgcmIS3YU?si=FxMNs49LW3Ln6Utk

Today’s Bible passage is Ecclesiastes 3:1-20. We are told there’s a time for everything. It’s not that there is enough time to do everything. Rather, that all things – good and bad are part of life. Life is not all or nothing. There will be times of happiness and times of sadness.

I have spent most of my life running from or denying any painful emotions. They were too painful to face or deal with, so I pretended that everything was fine, when it wasn’t. In the past year, I have let myself experience some of the “bad” emotions that I stuffed. No, I didn’t have fun crying or getting angry. But, I experienced a genuine happiness and a genuine peace as a result of allowing myself to feel.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him. Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account. And I saw something else under the sun: In the place of judgment—wickedness was there, in the place of justice—wickedness was there. I said to myself, ‘God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed.’ I also said to myself, ‘As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.’ ”
‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭20‬ NIV

Dear Lord, I have learned that life is not always a life filled with rainbows and puppies. Life is painful sometimes. I get that we can’t necessarily live from one extreme or the other. But, life in the middle can be just as painful. It’s much easier for me to live in the extremes. I know what to do when I am happy or sad. But, what do I do when I am neither? What do I do when there’s no feelings? When I just exist, but don’t really live? When life feels aimless and purposeless? Lord, I know that You are with me. Thank goodness for that. Lord, I want to feel all of my feelings, even the ones that hurt. I don’t want to be stuck in some kind of no-man’s land. Stuffing my feelings to avoid pain didn’t work. I went around with a smile on my face, while hurting inside – kind of like Smokey Robinson’s Teardrops of a Clown. I am done with pretending. I want to live a life where I am authentically myself. I no longer have the mental capacity for lying. It’s too much to remember which person I told what to. It’s so much easier to tell the truth to everyone. That way I can use my memory for other things, like where I parked my car at the grocery store. God, I am also done with not trusting You completely. I have no evidence to prove that I can run my life better than you. I have the opposite – tons of examples where things have been less than ideal because I insisted on having my own way. God, I have had pain in the past and I am experiencing pain now, and will probably have pain in the future. God, if I am going to have to go through pain, don’t let it be for nothing. Help me to use my painful experiences to help others. You can do anything. Please give me directions on where to go next and who I can help when I arrive. Yes, I know that life has ups and downs. Lord, show me how to live in the down times in a healthy way. I don’t want to fall back into old patterns of coping or not coping, as the case may be. God, I can’t see the future. I will have to trust You to give me my directions. After I make the decision to change, the only way that I can sustain the changes is through You. Please don’t go away God. Stay close. I know that I will need You. Amen.

Today’s passage is one of my favorite pieces. Not surprisingly, it also reminds me of a song. When I hear a song for the first time, I will listen intently to the lyrics. I want to understand the song’s message to decide if the song has meaning, evokes a memory, or causes me to feel something, before I will pay attention to the rhythm or instruments being played.

Because I am a lyrics first person, I try to commit my favorites to memory. It doesn’t take many words to trigger a song in my head. As soon as I started reading today’s passage a song did indeed pop into my head.(Link to song is right before the Bible passage) Today’s passage is from Psalms. It makes sense that a songwriter would use words from Psalms. The psalms were written as songs to be sung while worshiping God.

The great King David, of David and Goliath fame, wrote appropriately two-thirds to three-quarters of the book of Psalms. (If my math is off, sorry! I am a writer, not a mathematician.) David even wrote some of his psalms when he was hiding out in the mountains to avoid being killed by King Saul. David’s psalms reflect the full range of his emotions. If your feelings have you so knotted up inside that you can’t find the words to express your feelings, I encourage you to read the Psalms. Chances are very good that you will find the words you need.

Today’s passage is Psalm 46. Verse 10 of the psalm says, “Be still and know that I am God.” This calls back to the time when Moses stood looking at the burning bush. Moses questioned the bush asking, “Whom shall I say has sent me?” God spoke from the bush and replied, “Tell them I AM has sent you.” Here David confirms I AM is God.

The first part of Psalm 46:10 is interesting, too. It tells us to “be still and know.” Implied here is that in order to know I AM, we must first be still, Being still is not easy to do. It’s counter-intuitive. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Don’t just sit there. Do something!”

As an elementary school child, I didn’t have any problems with sitting still. In the 1970’s when I was in school, ADD/ADHD was not talked about or understood. It was easy to tell if a child was hyperactive, because that child could not sit still at their desk. I never had that problem. I was a child that daydreamed rather than doing whatever independent task was assigned. It wasn’t until I was an adult and long gone from elementary school that I learned that dreamy attitude is typical of a girl who has ADD/ADHD.

When I was not sitting in a classroom and forced to sit at a desk, it seemed that I was supposed to be doing something or else I was called “lazy” or “slowpoke”. In actuality, it was another classic sign of my learning challenge – procrastination. Simply sitting and being offended my parents a lot, especially since I was supposed to be cleaning my room.

It’s not good for people to have a schedule so packed that there’s no room to just be. Stress, anxiety, and burnout are so common, I think that sitting still, being, and learning about God is something that is sorely needed. In fact, before reading Psalm 46, I challenge you to sit silently for ten minutes. Listen for God’s still small voice. Elijah found out that God’s not in the storm, but in the quiet. He’s still there in the quiet waiting for people to stop and pay attention to Him.

https://youtu.be/ET8nBYhcok8?si=qr2l92VMs7n7Tbc2

”God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.“
‭‭Psalm 46‬:‭1‬-‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/psa.46.1-11.NIV

My God, as I sit here in the silence, all I can think about is how big this silence seems. It reflects Your greatness and majesty. Being an extrovert, I avoid silence. I am never at a loss for words. I must use my words to fill the emptiness. But, when I am still and quiet before You, there’s no feeling of emptiness, because You consume all of the quiet. You don’t do it by yelling at me, shouting over the clutter in my head. No. You come into the quiet and I suddenly don’t feel like I am alone. You speak to me quietly and with great patience as I seek to fill a page with the words that you give me. Or, I will feel a nudge to open the Bible and read and learn more about You and Your nature. Sometimes, I have thoughts racing through my mind. How can I tell which is Your voice? It’s the one that speaks to me in loving and caring words. The voice that I hear telling me that I have failed once more or that I am a lot for most people, that is not You. You discipline those that You love. But, You don’t discipline with harsh words, threats, or condemnation. No. You are gentle with Your correction. You don’t yell and tell me that I am a fat slob who has no business eating a piece of chocolate cake, much less the second one that is resting on my plate. Instead, You cause me to drop it on the floor, or You will send a child or spouse to me who wants a bite. Sometimes, You will even alter my taste buds and the cake tastes like dirt. Your ways are kind and gentle. That’s why You are found in the stillness. It’s a mistake for me to confuse Your gentle nature with weakness. Rather, it is in my weakness that Your strength shows its might. When I look for escape, You put steel in my backbone so that I can face my tormentor and give You all of the honor, glory, and praise that are rightfully Yours. Lord, I want to know You better. Please give me times of stillness and quiet so that I can seek You out. Thank You for being with me and caring for me. Amen.

Wow! You’re back!!! After yesterday’s post, I felt emotionally exposed for all the world to see. My posts are written mere moments before they are posted. I read over it for editing purposes and then I click the “submit” button.

I had no idea that my prayer would be so long. I just wrote what I was led to write. After I submitted the post, I had to intentionally quiet myself so that I could relax and sleep. I decided to call this series “A Lenten Journey” as a nod to the blog site’s name. I don’t know where this metaphorical journey of Lent 2024 will lead. It’s definitely going somewhere!

Today,I felt authentically Monica. I cried more than once. I got angry once. I was a little silly and playful. I was as social as I could be while I was home by myself. Not every feeling was pleasant. It was real, though. I was one hundred percent myself!

Today’s Bible passage is Isaiah 40. As I read the chapter, a couple of times I found myself humming. In Handel’s Messiah, part one’s second, third, and fourth songs’ lyrics come from the beginning of Isaiah 40. When I read verses twenty-eight through thirty-one, Lincoln Brewster’s Everlasting God was playing in my head.

The hopeful and comforting words that are throughout Isaiah 40 are the reason, I believe, the songwriters used this chapter as source material. When, to quote the Friends theme song, “it hasn’t been your day, your week, or even your year.” it’s encouraging to know that there’s Someone who will make things right and give you strength “to rise up on the wings of eagles”.

Oops! That triggered up another song! Add On Eagle’s Wings by Michael Joncas to the list of songs! It’s a wonderful song to play when you pray the words of Isaiah 40. Or, have it as background music while reading these words of hope and comfort.

”“Comfort, O comfort My people,” says your God. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, And call out to her, that her time of compulsory service in warfare is finished, That her wickedness has been taken away [since her punishment is sufficient], That she has received from the Lord’s hand Double [punishment] for all her sins.” A voice of one is calling out, “Clear the way for the Lord in the wilderness [remove the obstacles]; Make straight and smooth in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised, And every mountain and hill be made low; And let the rough ground become a plain, And the rugged places a broad valley. And the glory and majesty and splendor of the Lord will be revealed, And all humanity shall see it together; For the mouth of the Lord has spoken it.” A voice says, “Call out [prophesy].” Then he answered, “What shall I call out?” [The voice answered:] All humanity is [as frail as] grass, and all that makes it attractive [its charm, its loveliness] is [momentary] like the flower of the field. The grass withers, the flower fades, When the breath of the Lord blows upon it; Most certainly [all] the people are [like] grass. The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. O Zion, herald of good news, Get up on a high mountain. O Jerusalem, herald of good news, Lift up your voice with strength, Lift it up, do not fear; Say to the cities of Judah, “Here is your God!” Listen carefully, the Lord God will come with might, And His arm will rule for Him. Most certainly His reward is with Him, And His restitution accompanies Him. He will protect His flock like a shepherd, He will gather the lambs in His arm, He will carry them in His bosom; He will gently and carefully lead those nursing their young. Who has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, And marked off the heavens with a span [of the hand], And calculated the dust of the earth with a measure, And weighed the mountains in a balance And the hills in a pair of scales? Who has directed the Spirit of the Lord, Or has taught Him as His counselor? With whom did He consult and who enlightened Him? Who taught Him the path of justice and taught Him knowledge And informed Him of the way of understanding? In fact, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, And are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales; Now look, He lifts up the islands like fine dust. And [the forests of] Lebanon cannot supply sufficient fuel to start a fire, Nor are its wild beasts enough for a burnt offering [worthy of the Lord]. All the nations are as nothing before Him, They are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless. To whom then will you liken God? Or with what likeness will you compare Him? As for the cast image (idol), a metalworker casts it, A goldsmith overlays it with gold And a silversmith casts its silver chains. He who is too impoverished for such an offering [to give to his god] Chooses a tree that will not rot; He seeks out for himself a skillful craftsman To [carve and] set up an idol that will not totter. Do you [who worship idols] not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told to you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth [the omnipotence of God and the stupidity of bowing to idols]? It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers; [It is He] who stretches out the heavens like a veil And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in. It is He who reduces dignitaries to nothing, Who makes the judges (rulers) of the earth meaningless (useless). Scarcely have they been planted, Scarcely have they been sown, Scarcely has their stock taken root in the earth, But He merely blows on them, and they wither, And a strong wind carries them away like stubble. “To whom then will you compare Me That I would be his equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high And see who has created these heavenly bodies, The One who brings out their host by number, He calls them all by name; Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, Not one is missing. Why, O Jacob, do you say, and declare, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth Does not become tired or grow weary; There is no searching of His understanding. He gives strength to the weary, And to him who has no might He increases power. Even youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired.“
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40‬:‭1‬-‭31‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/isa.40.1-31.AMP

God, You are so wonderful! There’s no one else like You!!! You take the rough patches of my life and make them plain. You completely erode the mountains of despair that threaten to overwhelm me. When I don’t think that I can take another step down the rough road that I am walking, You lift me above the road and I am flying with the eagles. I don’t have to make it on my own. When I have run out of my strength, You give me Yours. I think that you like it when I wave my white flag and surrender. I imagine that You would say something like, “Monica, I sure am glad that You have given up. Now that you have run out of gas, watch Me! See what I can do for you!!!” Yes. My gas tank needle drops below “empty” and You take me to Your filling station and provide rocket fuel instead of the unleaded that I was running on before I turned control over to You. After experiencing what it’s like for You to take over my life, I am done with trying to do it my way. I always end up calling on You when I get stuck, anyways. I need to not waste my energy trying to control things and make them work out the way that I want. Your ways are higher than my ways and Your thoughts are higher than mine. I guess that I should allow the One who is omnipresent, omnipotent, never sleeps, and never gets hungry to take control. My way of doing things is not working. You are truly the GOAT. I am not. That’s not to say that I am nothing. You loved me from the time I was in my mother’s womb. I am not only loved, but I am chosen by You. You know me better than I know myself. You definitely know my future better than I do. I yield my life to You. Take over God. Your Word is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path. I will be Yours from now until forever. I love You so much. Amen.

I am continuing the Lenten journey that I began yesterday. Using the book, Writing to God, written by Rachel C. Hackenberg, I am reading a selection from the Bible daily. Then, instead of praying aloud, I am writing my prayer down.

Praying aloud is just speaking to God out loud like you would anyone else. I don’t use language out of the King James Version of the Bible. Since I don’t use “thee”, “thou”, “thy”, or “thine” when I talk to other people, I don’t say it when I talk to God.

Although, I did attend a Southern Baptist church from fourth grade until sixth grade. So, when I quote from the Bible, if it’s verses that I memorized during this time, I will use the seventeenth century language then and for the Lord’s Prayer, which I learned as a young child. But, that’s a rabbit trail from my original point. In short, (I know, too late for that!) be yourself when you are talking with God. Since He’s the only one who knows you entirely, putting on act with Him is not necessary. God knows what’s going on in your heart anyways, might as well be honest about it.

The verses for today are the following:

”In conclusion, be strong in the Lord [draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him] and in the power of His [boundless] might. Put on the full armor of God [for His precepts are like the splendid armor of a heavily-armed soldier], so that you may be able to [successfully] stand up against all the schemes and the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places. Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. With all prayer and petition pray [with specific requests] at all times [on every occasion and in every season] in the Spirit, and with this in view, stay alert with all perseverance and petition [interceding in prayer] for all God’s people.“
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭10‬-‭18‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/eph.6.10-18.AMP

Dear God, thank You for providing me with a way to defend and protect myself against the crap that I have gone through in the past, the crap that I am experiencing right now, and the crap that will come my way in the future.

I am thankful for Your sacrifice of Your one and only Son for the crap that I have done, the crap that I am doing, and the crap that I will do in the future. My choice the word “crap” is apt, because the stuff that I have done/am doing/will do stinks and is as distasteful as any pile of manure. Yet, despite all of this, You set in motion this plan for Your Son to be the sin offering and the guilt offering for the entire world. You want the whole entire world to be able to have the easy relationship/friendship that You had with Adam and Eve, before they went through their crap. I just can’t fathom loving anyone so much that I would be willing to not only sit back and watch my child be punished/killed and take the blame for stuff he didn’t even do. In addition to that, You experienced a separation from Your Son when all the sin and guilt was placed on Him. He was no longer perfect, so He couldn’t remain with You until He defeated death by coming back to life. That probably felt like the longest three days ever. Although, the Bible says that one thousand of our years are like a day to You. So, three of our days was likely only a matter of hours to You. But, if it was anything like any of my kids taking the car out for the first time as a licensed driver, those hours felt longer than they really were. Only, You are God. You knew that the separation wouldn’t last and soon You would be reunited.

I am thankful too for Your gift of the Holy Spirit. You put a piece of Yourself in me. But, You didn’t force Yourself on me. When I realized that living life my way had left me with a life that smelled a lot like manure and was equally un pleasant, I screamed at You for help. Up to this point, I had heard about You from older family members, but I really didn’t know anything about You. To me, You were the one who allowed my parents to divorce and You were the one who kept them from remarrying. I didn’t really want anything to do with You. But, when I learned about hell, and that I needed to believe in order to stay out of it, I said that I believed. But, I was ten. No ten year old wants to spend any amount of time in a fiery pit. What did You expect me to say when I was asked if I wanted to go there or not? I chose not.

It wasn’t until many many years later that I encountered this third piece of Your Trinity. But, when I found out, I was amazed. Then, I had to see if You were really real. I started praying, but this time, I listened after I told You what I wanted. To my surprise, I heard a voice inside my head. It said some amazing things, like I was loved and that spending time with me was worth the pain and torture of being crucified. I was blown away, and started praying, reading the Bible, and eventually joining a Bible study class, which led to years of classes.

After less than ten years of Bible study classes, I experienced what is referred to in the verses above as the forces of wickedness ands the powers of the earth. Man alive, I had never experienced such ugliness and outright hatred. I was scared. But, then I talked with someone with more Holy Spirit experience than me (not too hard to find), who gently explained that evil does exist and that it hates God. I also learned that God had already beat the evil forces on the cross. In this conversation, I learned that I was given the power to repel any attacks that might come at me. I learned that this power was actually a part of God and it was the same voice that spoke with me after I prayed.

It’s been more than twenty years since that conversation, God. The attacks haven’t stopped. It seems like that they are more frequent and more painful. Each one seems to hit closer and closer to vital organs in an attempt to wipe me out. Thank You for showing me what the attacks really are – the desperate last ditch efforts by someone who knows that they are defeated, but who keeps pounding away at me.

God, I AM DONE. I am tired of being used as a tool/plaything for someone who opposes You. Coming to know You, building a relationship with You, and doing life with You is so much better than not. Without You, I feel hopeless, helpless, and useless – just exactly what someone who hates me wants me to feel. With You, I am more than a conqueror. I can move mountains with You. You have wonderful plans for my life, as long as I remain with You.

That’s a no-brainer. For years I believed the lies that I was a shy, retiring, timid, little bookworm, who was an ineffective graceless klutz, in addition to not being pretty. Why in the world would I want to be in the same room with, much less aligned with someone who would call me such ugly names? I did it because I looked at myself apart from You and saw all of my flaws. When I listened to You and heard Truth, I learned who I really am.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My outward appearance reflects the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control that has developed as a result of living close to You. With the Holy Spirit, You put in me, I am not afraid to speak on Your behalf.

You placed me in a family where I had a grandmother who told me about You. Even when she couldn’t remember what my name was when she saw me, she would pray for me. When I was with her, especially as she aged, I could feel Your presence.

I have seen too much and have come too far. I will not be shaken by the current unpleasantness in my life. I know that by agreeing to follow You, I am surrendering a carefree life. But, I don’t care. Life is not carefree. You tell me that I am guaranteed to have trouble in this world, but in the next breath, You tell me to take heart, because You have overcome the world. You have indeed overcome the world. When I am finally reunited with You, my carefree life will begin. Until then, I will keep fighting the lies and darkness with Your truth and light.

I love You so incredibly much. I know that You love me even more. Thank You for the strength and determination You give me. I will talk to You later. Amen.

https://bookshop.org/p/books/writing-to-god-40-days-of-praying-with-my-pen-rachel-g-hackenberg/8361741?ean=9781557258793

This year my Lenten discipline will not be giving up a certain food, fasting, or exercising consistently. Nope. Instead I will be writing.

How is that any different from what I am doing now? For the forty days of Lent and also Holy Week, I will be using this forum to write prayers. I am following the book Writing to God by Rachel C. Hackenberg. Every day, Ms Hackenberg shares a prayer, a Bible reading, and a writing prompt. Instead of whatever I want, I will be doing focused and disciplined writing. It should be interesting.

I will not be copying the daily prompt and posting it. I am pretty shaky on copyright law and if you are even slightly interested in this type of writing, I want you to buy Writing to God. I will be including the link to purchase it somewhere towards the bottom of this blog entry. I will also be including a link for Untangle Your Emotions, just in case you wanted to buy it, but haven’t, yet.

”The hand of the Lord was upon me, and He brought me out in the Spirit of the Lord and set me down in the middle of the valley; and it was full of bones. He caused me to pass all around them, and behold, there were very many [human bones] in the open valley; and lo, they were very dry. And He said to me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” And I answered, “O Lord God, You know.”“
‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭37‬:‭1‬-‭3‬ ‭AMP‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/1588/ezk.37.1-3.AMP

Father God, I feel like I am walking in a valley of dry bones. Once again, in addition to me dealing with my feelings related to my spouse’s transition, I am dealing with eye problems like I did in 2020, kidney stone issues like 2021, and a bout of Covid like 2022. Now, it all came at once. Lord, I appreciate that You think that I have grown enough emotionally and spiritually to be able to handle this all at once. I’m not as certain. It feels like I am in a dry bone wasteland right now. I am in a holding pattern praying and trusting Your providence. Which is funny, because I know that is EXACTLY where you want me to be. As the ancient Israelites depended on You for their daily manna, weekly quail, and water from a rock, You want me to relax and trust in You for my needs. I absolutely do trust and have faith that You will provide. I get confused, because I know I’m not supposed to stress and trust Your provision, I am also told that I am to pray persistently for what I want. I am repeating the same prayers over and over again. I trust You. I know my prayers will be answered, but they’re not answered yet. When I pray the same things over and over, it kind of feels like I am whining. I don’t want to do that. Lord, while I keep praying and trusting, would You mind also let me know if I am on the right track? I know that in the past, my prayers were a checklist of stuff that I wanted. But, now, it’s not about what I want, it’s about how can I best share with the world the message that You want me to share. I have no answers – only questions and possibilities. Guide me. Help me. I would love to share a story of how the dry bones in my life got up and started doing the Macarena. But, I need a road map and a guide, because even with a map, I would get lost. I love You, God. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Here’s the links that I said that I would share. Because I choose to support my local independent bookseller, this link is for The Book Exchange in Marietta GA. If you live elsewhere, I encourage you to find an independent bookstore near where you live. Or, use this link, because I believe that they will ship.

https://bookshop.org/p/books/writing-to-god-40-days-of-https://bookshop.org/p/books/writing-to-god-40-days-of-praying-with-my-pen-rachel-g-hackenberg/8361741?ean=9781557258793praying-with-my-pen-rachel-g-hackenberg/8361741?ean=9781557258793

https://bookshop.org/p/books/untangle-your-emotions-naming-what-you-feel-and-knowing-what-to-do-about-it-jennie-allen/20110427?ean=9780593193419

Today is a double holiday. It’s Valentine’s Day. It’s also Ash Wednesday. Due to Covid, I wasn’t able to attend an Ash Wednesday service at church. However, I was able to spend time with people that I love. It’s fitting that Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day are the same day. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love and honor loved ones. Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent. Lent is the season in the Christian church which begins with Ash Wednesday and ends with Easter Sunday. I can’t think of any act of love greater than Jesus dying on the cross for the sins of all who believe in Him.

”Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.“
‭‭John‬ ‭15‬:‭13‬ ‭NIV‬‬
https://bible.com/bible/111/jhn.15.13.NIV